


hold me close, don't let go

by orphan_account



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 22:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tim's lonely and touch starved as all hell. Jay's never actually properly cuddled with someone before. There's only singles left at the motel they're staying in. Assume from that what you will.





	hold me close, don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> there was only one bed trope there was only one bed trope there was only one bed trope th- [someone cocks a gun and shoots me]  
> i recognize this is the second fic i've posted today but look i've got some already on tumblr and like i waNT TO POST THEM HERE  
> this is one i just wrote today it's cute gay nonsense, a complete 180 from the sad garbage i just posted earlier  
> my tumblr is missanonrabbit if you wanna bother me there

By god, are you lonely. It’s been quite a while now that you’ve been on the run with your friend (is he even your friend or is he just someone you’re forced to work with?). You know it’s been a bit over a month now, and you’re going insane. More insane than you already were before this whole mess.

 

You’re an affectionate, tactile person. You found that out when you met Brian. When were still friends (thinking about him still stings, makes the ever growing hollow pit in your chest grow bigger), you were always clinging to him. He never minded. In fact, he seemed to revel in it. Always holding you around the waist and letting you lay in his lap and whatnot. People always thought you were a couple. You thought, for a while, that maybe you did harbor some romantic feelings for your friend. After careful consideration, though, you came to the conclusion your feelings were entirely platonic. You just really enjoyed cuddling with him as much as possible.

It’s hard to get a read on Jay. You’re not entirely sure if you’re at the point where you can just throw yourself into his arms and he wouldn’t think it’s weird. Every now and again, you do. When that thing gets too close and you’re amazed you’re even alive when you escape. Sometimes you’ll place a hand on his shoulder when you’re creeping around somewhere and he’s not being quiet enough, or on his waist. He's never said anything about it.

You’ve never simply casually hugged him, though. Never asked him to hold you the way your (probably dead,  _fuck_ that hurts) old friend did. You don’t want to make things weird. It wouldn’t be because you’re gay. Jay’s bisexual, so it’s not like he’d be all uncomfortable straight asshole about it.

It’s just...while your memories of him before all this are few and far between, you can’t remember seeing him so much as touch another human being. Well, all right. That’s a bit of an exaggeration. You remember him jokingly hitting Alex every now and again when he got in one of his moods, but that’s about the extent of what you recall. No hugs or anything like that.

The touch starvation is slowly killing you, though. You can’t stand it. If your partner in all this is even half as lonely as you are, he doesn’t show it or talk about it. Then again, you’re not exactly being obvious about your dilemma either, so maybe you’re just not reading the signs correctly.

You debate starting to actively look for said signs, but you quickly chuck that idea into the proverbial bin of your mind. If you started doing that, you wouldn’t be able to hide it.

You think the feelings are platonic. You’re relatively sure they are. Maybe like 70%. Then again, being on the run from your old friend who’s gone out of his mind, some weirdo in a mask, and something entirely unknown to you doesn’t leave much time to analyze all of that. You’re not really sure what conclusion you’d come to if you allowed yourself to really think about it. You’re not sure you want to even entertain the notion.

No, right now, you’re more focused on how horribly lonely you are. You just want to be held, and you really want to hold Jay.

You hear a sigh from the front desk and are broken out of your spiraling train of thought. He comes up to you and bites his lip. ‘They didn’t have any more doubles, so we’re gonna have to make do with a single.’ He says. You try to read his expression for any indication of how he feels about that, but you can’t find much. He looks a little nervous. You’re not sure if that’s good nerves or bad nerves, though. It’s impossible to tell.

You realize then you haven’t responded at all and clear your throat. ‘That’s fine. Figured it’d happen eventually.’ You say with a nonchalant shrug. On the inside, you’re yelling, but you think you mask it well. A bored expression is plastered onto your face and it seems to appease Jay because he just shrugs as well.

‘I’ll sleep on the couch or the floor if you want.’ He suggests as you make your way to your room for the next few days. You immediately roll your eyes.

‘Don’t be stupid. We can share a bed.’ You say then quickly add, ‘unless you’re uncomfortable with that. If you are, though, I volunteer to be the one to sleep on the couch or the floor.’ You clear your throat again.

Your mind may be deceiving you (not as if it’d be the first time), but you swear you see a hint of red tint your friend’s cheeks. He laughs a little as he opens the door and, sure enough, it’s a single. There’s no couch either, so if you don’t share the bed, someone is sleeping on the floor. Probably you.

‘I mean, I suppose I’d be okay with it. I just didn’t know if you would be.’ He says with a shrug. You throw your bag onto the small table in the room and sigh heavily before flopping down onto the bed with a groan.

‘I don’t know how much you remember of me before all this, but I really don’t mind being close to someone.’ You say and leave it at that. Best not to get too into it. With your luck, you’d end up spilling everything about how devastatingly touch starved you are.

You can’t see his face, but you  _can_ hear the nervous laugh that comes out of your friend. ‘Frankly, I...I’m starting to realize I don’t remember much before all this.’ He says.

That causes you to sit up immediately and whip your head towards him. He looks so small and so scared. It reaches deep inside you and makes that urge to hold him much harder to ignore. You bite your lip, weighing your options. Offering wouldn’t hurt. The worst he can do is say no.

What ends up actually coming out of your mouth is, ‘Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?’ All right. That’s an important question. The other not so important one can wait.

Jay takes a deep, shuddering breath and stares at the ground. He looks more terrified than you’ve ever seen him, which is saying a lot considering how the past month or so has gone. He shrugs and keeps his gaze firmly on the ground.

‘I...I didn’t want to worry you. Just more shit to add onto this.’ He says. His voice is shaky and oh so soft. It makes you positively ache for him. You’re silent for a moment, trying to figure out a way to respond.

‘You need to tell me when these things happen, okay? We’re not gonna get anywhere if you don’t tell me what’s going on with you.’ The words are sandpaper on your tongue.  _HYPOCRITE._  You promptly tell that train of thought to shove it. You’ll get to that only when absolutely necessary, if it even becomes necessary.

He lifts his head up to look at you and your stomach drops when you see that he’s definitely crying. You can tell he’s trying not to, that he’s trying to hide it, but it’s painfully obvious. Maybe now is a good time to offer.

You make a sort of come hither motion to him. ‘Come here.’ You say, then immediately add, ‘If you want to. You don’t have to do anything.’

There’s a bit where all you can hear is his sniffling and your own blood roaring in your ears. You start to think that maybe you messed up. Maybe this was a horrible thing to suggest.

You’re pulled out of your anxious thoughts when he slowly gets up out of the chair he’s sitting in and makes his way over to the bed. His movements are hesitant, fearful almost. Like he’s not entirely sure what to do, or what he even wants to do. He’s stopped crying, though, so you consider that a win at least.

Your own movements as you lay on your side, facing him, are just as careful. Just as measured. Anxiety eats at you, but you’re doing your best to ignore it. All your focus is on him.

He just stands at the side of the bed for the longest time. Just as you’re about to speak up and tell him that it’s okay, that he doesn’t have to do anything he’s not comfortable with, he lays down next to you, facing you.

‘I...I’m not used to, um. Being close to people. Like this.’ He says, motioning to the space between the two of you. A little huff of laughter escapes you before you can stop it. You bite your lip as soon as it comes out.

‘You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just...’ You gulp, supposing that now’s as good a time as any to talk about this. ‘Whenever I feel overwhelmed or anything, I like to be held. Helps me to feel like I’m still a real person.’

Jay stares down at the sheets then back up at you with a shaky sigh. He seems to make a decision then because the next thing you know, he’s scooting closer to you and flinging an arm around your waist. He buries his head in your chest and keeps his whole body pressed up against you.

Your eyes shut as total relief and contentment flood through your system. Your own arm wraps around his waist and you pull him impossibly closer. _Fuck_ , you’ve missed this more than you can put into words.

Comfortable silence envelops the two of you for a few minutes, seemingly satisfied with just holding each other like this. You feel Jay’s laugh more than you hear it, and you make a little questioning ‘Hm?’ noise.

He pulls away from your chest and looks up at you with a wide smile. Your own face is incredibly close to his and you’re not entirely sure how to feel about that. Again, that’s a problem for later you.

‘I didn’t even realize how nice it’d be to just...be like this.’ He says. His leg swings over your own and he’s clinging to you like an octopus now, which causes you to laugh as well.

‘What do you mean? You’ve never just cuddled with someone?’ You ask him with a raised brow. He shakes his head and your eyes go wide with shock. He chews on his lower lip and hides his face in your chest again.

‘No one really...cared to, I guess. And I never really thought to ask or initiate it.’ He says, a little muffled. You’re still able to understand him, though, and squeeze him around his waist in response.

‘Well, Jay Merrick, you’re in luck. I’m Tim Wright and I’m the most affectionate person you’ll ever meet. I just didn’t say anything for a while there cause I thought you just...weren’t like that.’ You say, face burning up. That’s interesting and definitely going in the ‘deal with later’ part of your brain.

‘Hang on, let me just...’ He says then shifts and turns around so his back is against your chest. This you’re also absolutely fine with. You pull him close by his waist and nuzzle the back of his neck, which makes him giggle a little.

Outside, you hear raindrops start to fall. Any remaining tension in your body (and his from the looks of it) fades away and you allow your eyes to shut with a small sigh.

‘Why didn’t anyone tell me this whole cuddling thing is awesome?’ He asks in a whisper, as to not break the soft atmosphere that’s settled over the two of you. You let out a breath of a laugh and hesitantly move your hand to interlock with his.

He takes it and squeezes lightly, which you take as a wonderful sign.

‘Honestly, if I’d known you’ve just never done it, I would’ve offered to do it sooner. Do you know how hard it’s been living without this after being super touchy with...?’ You trail off and gulp down the lump that’s formed in your throat. He starts running his thumb across the back of your hand in response, and that’s all you need to be brought out of _that_ particular rabbit hole.

You’re starting to feel incredibly sleepy from the combination of the rain that’s picking up in intensity outside and the boy currently in your arms. ‘What time is it?’ You mumble out.

‘Like four. Why?’ He asks. You snuggle impossibly closer to him.

‘Should take a nap. ‘M tired from driving all day and you’re comfy.’ You say. He giggles and despite the fact that you can’t see him, you know he’s probably rolling his eyes.

‘We’ve got more tapes to look through.’ He says, but you can tell from the sound of his voice that he’s getting tired as well. Your thoughts are confirmed when you hear him yawn.

‘Shh, tapes can wait a little bit. Just wanna lay here.’ You say, firmly squeezing around his waist to emphasize the fact that neither of you are getting up any time soon. This is just too damn good.

He sighs. ‘All right. But only for an hour or so, okay? I’ll set an alarm on my phone.’ He says and you can feel him shift and do just that. He relaxes in your arms again and you smile, gently pressing your lips against the back of his neck before you think about what in God’s name you’re doing.

He doesn’t seem to think anything of it, though. He doesn’t pull away, but he also doesn’t say anything about it. Maybe he will later and you’ll have to deal with those pesky feelings you’re avoiding analyzing, but for now, you’re going to take a nap and just enjoy  _finally_ being able to hold him like this.

As you start to drift off, you realize you didn’t talk more about the fact that he’s starting to lose a lot more of his memory. While incredibly worrying, you figure that can wait until after you wake up as well. Right now you know he needs this just as much, if not more, than you do.


End file.
